I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
