it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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