OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
