hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
