i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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