we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Actions speak louder than pants.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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