my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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