carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
