remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
