if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
