the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
