I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
