So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize