Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
