I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
