you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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