In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
