Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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