but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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