Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
