If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
