Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
