Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
