I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
