If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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