i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
