In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I party with great urgency now.
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