Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
