we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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