So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
