well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
