I want to stick my p in your. b.
kristin has been a bad kristin
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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