my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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