Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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