i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
