capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
