I cockslap morals
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
