I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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