its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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