Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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