that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
