You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
