The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
