I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
