Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
