If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
