i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
