i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize