I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
