She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
