I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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