I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
