Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
