my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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