Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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