Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
