Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
