Barsexuality is the new black.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
