I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
