Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
