thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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