he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
