It's like God shit irony all over that family
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
