What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
