smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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