You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
