I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he thought i was a dude.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
