I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize