i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
