My ATM looks so different sober.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
