So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
as a side note pls kill me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize