dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
soo... how was my night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
