I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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