Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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