I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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