did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
