But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
