There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want nice things and good sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
